The Pros & Cons of Going Exclusive With A Girl (And When to Have “The Talk”)

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At some point, we all have pretty big questions about a relationship–whether you’re casually dating or think you’re ready to settle down.

You might be wondering:

Where is this going?

What does saying “we’re dating” really mean?

Is she seeing other people?

And even if you want to go exclusive with her… is it really worth it?

A recent study found that people in non-monogamous relationships experience higher levels of sexual satisfaction than those in committed, monogamous relationships.

However, there’s no denying that monogamy has its perks. There’s consistency, reliability, and the comfort of knowing your partner isn’t sleeping with anyone else.

To get all of your questions answered (and hers!) you’ll need to finally sit down and have “the talk.”

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We’ve all had “the talk” before. At a certain point, buckling down and deciding what you want out of a relationship or fling is very important. 

Even if you want to keep things casual, it’s important to be on the same page–or else she may flake out on you, or someone may end up getting hurt.

But what do you say?

And more importantly–how do you bring it up?

(Better yet–is there a way to get her to bring it up on her own?)

The truth is, “the talk” can be really easy if you follow a few key tips.

Read on find out the pros and cons of taking your relationship to the next level, and how to have “the talk” to get the exact kind of relationship you want.

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Why Go Exclusive With a Girl You’re Seeing (& When Should You Do It)?

“The talk” simply refers to defining your relationship.

It can be as easy as deciding to date someone exclusively (i.e. calling them your “girlfriend”) or as general as deciding to hang out but date other people.

This conversation is generally scary to most people (men and women alike), but it doesn’t have to be. And more importantly–it shouldn’t be.

The talk can help you figure out if the other person wants what you do out of the time you spend together. It will help you decide if you’re wasting your time and need to move on or if you’re exactly where you want to be.

So, how do you bring up this conversation?

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You’ll hear some dated advice about having the talk a few months into dating or after a few successful dates.

Unfortunately, this advice just doesn’t fit the way people meet anymore.

Maybe you go out with a girl you met on Tinder and after the second time you hang, you realize you want to explore a possible relationship with her.

Or maybe you’re having a lot of fun with a new girl, but don’t want to hurt her when you tell her you don’t want a relationship.

The truth is, the timing of the talk will vary depending on your situation.

In general, when you first start to question what she wants, you should put your mind at ease by making what you want very clear.

So, if you want to see other people, tell her, “I love spending time with you, but I just want to make sure we’re on the same page. I’m not looking for anything serious right now and I want to make sure that’s OK with you.”

Have the respect to tell her what you’re looking for. That way you don’t have to worry about lying, jealousy, or all of those not-so-fun emotions that come along with stringing a girl along.

Plus, you may be surprised to discover that she wants the same exact thing you do!

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How NOT Having “The Talk” Could Kill Your Chances With Her–Even If She’s Just a Casual Hookup

You may think you can get by without having “the talk.”

Maybe you two instantly hit it off and began spending most nights together. Maybe you’re inseparable and feel like you’re totally on the same page.

But, until you find out for sure, there are always going to be some doubts. Not to mention the risk that you may be wasting your time on someone with completely different goals than you.

A recent article in The Washington Post explains that a relationship is like hitchhiking. At the end of the day, you want to make sure you’re headed to the same place and not just the same general area.

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Until you’ve clearly stated you’re in a relationship or not seeing other people, don’t make any assumptions.

Even if a girl really likes you, it can be hard to find a serious relationship. Especially with so many dating apps and opportunities at our fingertips.

If you don’t bring up the subject with her, she may think you’re not into her and find someone else.

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This Doesn’t End After One Conversation…

While having an initial conversation is important–remember, it’s only the first step.

Deciding not to see other people may be a huge deal, but a few months down the line, you’ll probably want to regroup and see how you both feel.

Maybe in this time, you’ve found you don’t have as much in common as you thought. Or, maybe you’re ready to move to the next level–whatever that means for you.

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Regardless, checking in with the person you’re dating is a crucial step to getting the exact kind of relationship you want. (This is one of the keys to keeping a casual hookup or booty call around for the long haul.)

Just make sure you’re open and honest during these conversations and you’ll find they’re not really as big of a deal as you thought.

And in fact, when you do have “the talk,” it doesn’t have to be some hours-long conversation.

Because depending on what kind of relationship you want, there are certain “shortcuts” you can take to get it… without really talking much at all.

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The Pros & Cons of Going Exclusive With A Girl (And When to Have “The Talk”)

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Not every guy out there is looking to settle down with a girl, I totally get that.

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[Note: This post was updated by Gotham Club on September 23, 2019.]

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